I recently changed my site name and username to ‘pseudonymousss’ from ‘striplingthoughts’. Why, you ask?
To be honest, I wish I had the accurate answer but I don’t; however, I’m trying to explain it. Well, to guess, I ,supposedly, am much comfortable being unknown rather than being known. Though, there are people who know me in person, following me, but yeah, I’ll still be unidentified, I’m hoping.
To be more ardent, being or rather suffering with low self esteem, is undoubtedly, a battle in itself. I have observed one thing about me, which is so ridiculously flawed yet undeniably constant, that when someone criticizes me (mostly constructive criticism and seldom negatively or to be more lucid mockingly) I presume it to be absolutely correct ; like, “yeah, you’re right, that is so true and I’m this way!” (meanwhile I’m burning with embarassment, shame, agony, rage inside for being this way) . Whereas, when someone compliments me about anything I just take it as a formal appreciation, something that is ritualistically said, and they don’t actually mean it. Are you getting my point? *sighs*
Whenever, I have published a blog, I’ve shared it on all my social media platforms and apparently after a short period of time, few people respond and give feedback. Some personally groove about how good my blog was. For instance, recently my friend read my blogs and was being too appreciative about it and that I’m way too good at writing but somewhere I felt it was all flattering he was doing and he doesn’t even mean it. One day, sitting idly, I asked myself, why do I underestimate myself so much? Am I that bad, that i don’t believe in my own potential?
Recently, I published a blog, ‘Is motivation enough?’ and I was (maybe that was wrong of me) expecting little bit of kind words from people, not to be mistaken with advice (definitely not advice because it was quite clear through my post). Because, why not? I was surpisingly quite open about myself but the outcome turned out to be so opposite of my hopes. One of them wrote a paragraph advising me, other user kind of made a baseless comment. Discouraged! Not with people but with myself.
I’m so sensitive to criticism and appreciation and I know I shouldn’t be like this and that I should change myself. BUT, it is easier said than done. It’s going to take time to change myself but with everything still happening the same way around me, it would be difficult. So, that is why I decided to change my username and site name.
Lastly, I did not ever mean that the readers of my blog shouldn’t share their feedback and views. I want to interact and know all your opinions. So, this post is in no way, directed towards someone but is quite a general post. 🙂
Thank you for reading till the last! Means a lot to me.